05/08/2016

Letting Go of Toxic Relationships


Last year I made a choice.


I decided to be selfish in terms of my friendships and relationships with other people. I was becoming increasingly irritable and negative as university went along, until the Easter break rolled around and I had a month away from certain people. My mood changed, I became positive and upbeat again and I couldn’t help but notice the correlation. I had already realised that some of the people I was spending my time with made me feel shit with the way they spoke to me and with their energy in general. Don’t get me wrong, these individuals are probably perfectly nice people and have friendships that they really give a lot to and are valuable in. But for me, their energy and personalities did nothing but drag me down. So I cut them out. My confidence, self-worth and search for positivity is worth more to me than friendships that don’t benefit me.


What does toxicity look like?

I guess it might be different for everyone. For me, I have a pretty strong gut feeling about things, things often hit me deep in my soul and if those things are ‘toxic’ they leave me feeling ‘ugh’. Bleh, ugh, icky, crap…all those feelings - that’s when I know I’m facing something that is toxic to me. This may be someone putting me down, being negative all the time for no reason, saying shitty things about me or other people, always having to have one up on me… “That is a stupid idea”, “eugh I hate her makeup”, “oh yeah I’ve done that too (but mine was worse/better/more)”, “well I think you'd be better doing this”, “*laughter* wouldn’t your family be embarrassed?!”

What does cutting toxic people out look like in reality?

It might sound like something you need to do, but how does it work when the people in question are in your class, your office, your running club? For me, it meant only spending time with these people when I had to, and cutting them out of my social time. I will continue to be pleasant and civil with people, but will no longer go the extra mile to form or maintain a friendship. I will also avoid getting into any sort of “deep” conversation with them - anything that is important to me is not up for discussion with certain people. Those things are precious and need to be kept for sharing with people who have my best interests at heart.

Do you need to put an end to any toxic relationships?

N x
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2 comments

  1. Really relate to this nicola :)

    Any thoughts on ending toxic relationships with people who are self destructive and therefore toxic?

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    1. Omg so sorry for such a late reply - this is what happens when I don't put my emails on my phone!

      It is really hard when people are self-destructive, particularly if you're the sort of person who cares deeply about people and wants to help them. I think it is about coming to terms with the fact that you can't help people who don't want to be helped. If you've done all you can, then sometimes you just have to walk away, particularly if you've offered help and it is clear that the behaviour is self-destructive...but it is a tricky one! xx

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